If one looks at the results alone, my 2023 seems to be a failure. The scientific research project in the first half of the year didn’t work out. In the second half of the year, I changed the idea and rebuilt the whole system, but it was also delayed for a long time until 2024.
I'm writing this year-end summary as part of my tradition to reflect on my work and life from the past year. This series began in 2020, when I was a naive second-year undergrad with no idea about the future. However, now I am a second-year PhD student. Do I have a clearer vision of my future?
Well, the future remains uncertain to me. Personally, I have chosen to skip obtaining a master's degree and instead directly pursue a PhD. This decision has led me to grapple with issues surrounding my self-identity. After all, undergraduate students have limited knowledge about the true meaning of a PhD. It involves enduring constant suffering, questioning oneself incessantly, and desperately clinging to hope 24/7. Of cause, lots of people have mentioned it to me, but one truly understands when one experiences it firsthand.
So, what did I achieve in 2023? I gained a better understanding of how things would work out in a non-trivial way.
A. Never take anything for granted. It is common for us to believe that abnormal situations will revert back to normal once they are over. We were convinced that the economy would rebound after the pandemic ended, and we expected the job market to improve compared to last year. However, none of these expectations materialized. We are currently in a dynamic era, so it is unwise to heavily rely on historical data.
B. Avoid comparing yourself to others. It is highly unfair to measure your worth against someone else, especially when the differences between you and others are often greater than you realize. Each person has their own unique background, talents, and life experiences. Therefore, comparison only serves to worsen things.
C. Depend on your resilience, rather than your motivation. I believe that every student comes to the interview and pledges themselves as "motivated". Yes, they do at the beginning. However, motivation is the most volatile quality within oneself. When you experience failures again and again, your motivation can be greatly diminished. So, the key quality needed here is resilience - the ability to get up in the morning, knowing that today will be suck.
There are numerous articles and thousands of memes about obtaining a PhD on the internet. Therefore, I will refrain from discussing this topic further. However, I must emphasize one last point: Only trust the words of those who have firsthand experience with the life of a PhD student.
I must admit that I am currently experiencing signs of distress. According to Apple Health (PHQ-9), I have been identified as having a "Mild Anxiety Risk" and "Moderate Depression Risk". However, neither of these conditions are severe, and I am fortunate to receive constant support from my friends and family. Believe me, all the PhD students I've met have some sort of mental issue. That's why they either go to clubs and get drunk or spend hours at home watching online videos.
Alright, enough dwelling on the negative. Let's shift gears and focus on some things that bring me joy in 2023.
I got a car! It’s a black Mazda CX-30, basic model.
Evanston is a wonderful town where you can easily manage your daily life without needing a car. However, owning a car can truly enhance your experience and bring about significant changes. It enables us to visit Costco and H-Mart more frequently, as well as drive to parks and enjoy the scenery, even if it may seem ordinary.
I built my own movie theater. With a comfortable sofa and a high-quality projector that offers an impressive beam and 4K resolution, watching videos have never been so enjoyable.
That's it. I couldn't find any other sources of happiness in my life. I didn't travel at all in 2023, which means I stayed in Illinois for the entire year. I don’t pursue relationships, so... That’s how my life is! 🎉
At the end of this article, I can't help but feel a sense of sadness. However, I want to assure you that my life in 2023 is far from sad. Thanks to the wisdom shared by my senior friend Xian, I have come to realize that there is one treasure no one can take away from me: youth. Being young grants me ample time to explore diverse experiences and gain different perspectives on the world. It offers me opportunities for growth, learning from mistakes, making changes, and ultimately becoming an improved version of myself. The world is vast and brimming with possibilities; life itself holds even greater potential.
It's perfectly fine if one year is not as good as previous ones. I have plenty of time. I have plenty of chances. So I have plenty of possibilities. Cheers to 2023!